Chef + Folded Arms = BADASS

Back when I was growing up, cooking wasn’t cool. We didn’t have the Anthony Bourdains, the Jaime Olivers or the Guy Fieris (so, I guess it wasn’t all that bleak). Cooking shows were the domain of housewives, embarrassing ethnic stereotypes and alleged pedophiles. And when you watched them, you did so with your grandmother and a quiet shame.

Then one day chefs learned how to fold their arms and the whole game changed. Ladies and Gentlemen, I submit to you a sample of some of my favorite chef pics WARRIOR PORTRAITS.


Do you understand how much “Badass” it takes to pull this hat off.
I don’t care how many armpit hairs there are in the omelettes, I’d still eat here.

All the entrees at Chez Indie-as-Fuck are served on a limited edition Fugazi seven-inch.

In prison, a star on the right forearm means that you killed someone for saying you look like Phil Collins. The same thing on the left forearm means that you killed someone for saying you look like Bob Hoskins.

If anyone here is a badass please raise your hand…
Perfect, not a single one of you fell for my trick. Let’s proceed.

Hmm, this really is more of a wrist-grab than an arm-fold. Still, the knife is a nice touch. Well done, Chef Fred!

Oh my–a full cross plus knife!
Sorry Fred, the ante has been upped. Please pack your knives and go.

“Uh-oh–cameraman going in for close up!
M-must find way to work f-folded arms into head shot!…GOT IT!!!”

Exhibit A in support of the theory that links a chef’s badassedness to the proximity of their arms to each other.

Not sure what to make of this one:
The folded arms, smoke and lighting say “Welcome to hell,” but their facial expressions say “Welcome to Cheesecake Factory!”

Thumbs up??? Tiny shears??? You haven’t been paying attention at all, have you?

Weird. I love music and I love food, yet I hate absolutely everything about this.

“Hi there, friend! Come on into my salmon-colored kitchen and let me tell you all about these here grapes.” I don’t think so, buddy–NEXT!


“Oh, hello again. I was just about to sauce my venison when 20 knife-wielding maniacs attempted to murder me. Naturally, I turned them all suicidal with my very gaze.
Now, back to this venison!”

Though I have no way of telling if this dude has ANY cooking experience, I would still like to nominate him for The Next Iron Chef.